


virtue on your lips (and venom upon mine)

by lesbianneptune



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/F, Femslash February, michiru guilt stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianneptune/pseuds/lesbianneptune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Michiru knows all too well that she’s completely, irreversibly in love with Haruka Tenoh. It’s not a feeling she’s at all familiar with, and she expects that this is the reason she still hasn't made a move on Haruka, because, in truth, she’s not sure she can deal with the idea of tainting her.”  [written for day 1 of femslash february 2015, with the prompt "first kiss"]</p>
            </blockquote>





	virtue on your lips (and venom upon mine)

Michiru has been with a lot of girls in her time, but Haruka is something else entirely.  
It’s odd, Michiru thinks, as she watches Haruka fall asleep in math class or flirt carelessly with an innocent girl that 100% believes she’s actually getting somewhere with a romantic lost cause, or when she’s fixing up her motorcycle and she’s finally smiling and happy and unburdened, as though fate hasn’t doomed every day of her young life to loneliness and destruction.  
It’s odd, Michiru thinks in those quiet moments, when Haruka stops and it’s as if her world has ground to a halt whilst her brain thinks through something painful, and Michiru can see the emotions corrode the barrier she’s haphazardly thrown up in an attempt to hide her flaws and insecurities. (Michiru spends a lot of time watching Haruka, or, more accurately, Michiru spends a lot of time seeing Haruka for that which she tries to hide.)  
It’s odd, Michiru thinks, how she hasn’t yet dragged Haruka into a bathroom stall, her pants already at her ankles before Michiru drops to her knees, and it’s something Michiru’s thought about (oh, she’s thought about it extensively) but it’s not a fantasy she can ever quite bring herself to carry out. And that’s partially due to the mission, yes – they don’t have time for love, neither of them do, but then again love never had the politeness to knock and ask if now was a good moment to hit them both square in the face. But Haruka’s still denying it, she’s blustering and she’s arrogant and she’ll brush it off, because Neptune and Uranus are all that truly matter now, in the grand scheme of the world. Whatever Haruka wants – and she wants Michiru, she wants her so badly – doesn’t matter anymore. At least, she’ll never admit to herself the extent to which it does, the extent to which they’ve grown to need each other.

Michiru, on the other hand, has never been very good at lying to herself. She knows every intricacy of her own faults, her own selfishness, her own fucked up priorities and her own constant, unyielding craving for something, anything, that can actually make her feel real.  
And Haruka does.  
So Michiru knows all too well that she’s completely, irreversibly in love with Haruka Tenoh. It’s not a feeling she’s at all familiar with, and she expects, she thinks practically, that this is the reason she still hasn’t made a move on Haruka, because, in truth, she’s not sure she can deal with the idea of tainting her. The thought curls in Michiru’s stomach, ugly and real and sickening - the thought of further ruining a life she has already thoroughly destroyed (and oh, Michiru was so selfish in involving Haruka in this whole charade of duty and honour and the realities of death, but Michiru is a selfish person, and she figured out a long time ago that being greedy for Haruka was a blight on her soul she’d never be able to remove.)

Within Haruka is a burning innocence that Michiru’s own conscience has never been able to and will never be able to reach. If Michiru has spent her life wondering what exactly she was made for, she’s now decided that protecting that light is it. At this moment, however, Haruka’s too fragile, the flicker of a flame dying with the guilt of hands irreparably tainted with fresh, warm blood.  
So Michiru will keep watching, until the moment when Haruka is strong enough, when Michiru is selfish enough, to solidify their bond with something physical, something more than a misplaced hand, something more than an accidental touch, something more than the raw vunerability of fighting alongside another that understands (or thinks they understand, in Haruka’s case – for Michiru will never allow her to truly understand) the sacrifices of war.  
Michiru will wait.

——

They’re in a hotel, some miles north of Tokyo, the air clear and still in the aftermath of what was the first, but is most likely not the last, major battle they’ll face side by side.  
Michiru is exhausted. She’s tired and she’s done with putting off the inevitable, not when she almost lost her, not when they almost lost each other. Her life is a ticking time bomb and though she knows she’ll forever put that life on the line for the woman now stood next to her, she’s not sure she’s selfless enough to keep up this act.  
When Haruka smiles broadly at her, relief etched into her face, Michiru knows she’s not selfless enough.  
They wander out onto the balcony, their hands naturally entwining together. Michiru feels Haruka relax truly for the first time since she awakened as Uranus. For the first time since Michiru ruined Haruka’s life whilst simultaneously completing her own.  
Michiru knows Haruka loves her. Haruka, after all, has never been very good at hiding things. She’s an emotional sieve, and Michiru would have been blind not to notice (and Michiru, when it comes to Haruka, is truly anything but.)  
Michiru knows Haruka loves her, no matter how much Michiru objectively knows she shouldn’t and that this will only bring her further pain and heartache. But there’s the swell in Michiru’s heart when she realises this is real, and for the first time, there’s emotion and love and something truly, honestly worth fighting for.  
Haruka’s hands are on the rail now, and she’s struggling with her words, trying to say things she thinks she feels, vomiting up raw emotion and Michiru pulls them closer together, breathes in her scent, strokes her back in long, comforting movements.  
"Michiru…I’ve been thinking a lot, about the things you said about love and stuff and I’m not saying that you have to stay with me or anything because God knows you deserve so much better but I’m just…I think…maybe I might…I’m sorry I’m not very good at this, I’m sorry…"  
She’s waiting expectantly, staring at her, her lips quivering as the words she cannot form properly dance on her tongue.  
Haruka is laying her heart into Michiru’s hands, and Michiru can feel it beating, beating, beating.

And she knows, in that moment, as their lips meet, that she will never – can never - let Haruka go.

**Author's Note:**

> As stated in the summary, I threw this together for day 1 of femslash feb. Haruka and Michiru's pre-relationship dynamic is something I love A LOT so trying to get inside their heads for this was really quite enjoyable to write. Thanks for reading!


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